


The Travels of Oliver & Elio

by Vibrant_D



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types, Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Blow Job, Double Penetration, Group Sex, M/M, Multi, Threesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-09-21 14:09:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17045177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vibrant_D/pseuds/Vibrant_D
Summary: Oliver and Elio find that travelling together helps keep their love alive.  They find themselves in different parts of the world, exploring and learning more about what it means to be lovers.





	1. Shameless

**Author's Note:**

> Oliver and Elio visit a small town gay bar and share an unexpectedly tender moment. 
> 
> This work has copyrighted material from a song. Please contact me if you take issue with this. The song lyrics are Shameless by Garth Brooks/Billy Joel.

Wichita, KS 1991

On one of those fall days when you feel winter is just moments away, I met my love for a secret weekend rendezvous. Oliver and I have this tradition of spending some time together before the holidays, as to gather moments that make us feel like family. The downside to this tradition is that we have to visit places where no one knows us and we can remain safe and anonymous. This year’s destination happened to be Wichita, Kansas. Neither of us has family or friends there and we wanted to get a feel for the Midwest. Visiting different parts of the country help us feel like our relationship is fresh and every meeting is an adventure, even if I have to share him with his wife and children. The adventures are bittersweet because we still can’t openly love in public, even though it’s 1991. We know there aren’t safe enclaves for us in most places, but the way we have to be careful regardless, prevents us from being found out. 

“Elio, guess what I overheard in the restroom?” Oliver whispers into my ear at the restaurant. The food is Mexican, but a little different from what we’re used to. This must be the gringo, Midwestern version of this cuisine. Tasty, nonetheless. I’m crunching a chip and turn my head with a quizzical look on my face. 

“What’s that my dear?” I whisper back. 

“There’s a place for us to go tonight for dancing and drinks,” he coyly replies.

“You heard this in the restroom?” My eyebrows shoot up and a little wave of panic washes over me. 

“Yeah, you know... I did a little foot tapping at the urinal and caught someone’s attention. He told me where to find him later tonight.”

“He thinks you’re meeting him later?”

“I may have given that impression, but you know I only have eyes for you, darling.”

“Well, then. We found our adventure for the evening,” I say letting a smile split my face in two. Drinks and dancing in Kansas? I never imagined that would be possible. Suddenly, I’m light and giddy wondering what we might see. 

After dinner we head back to the hotel for a couple hours to catch up and tease each other. Remembering how much going out like two live wires in Italy pleased us, we take things only so far. Neither of us allowed to come, but getting as close as possible. Stopping always hurts, but the electricity it creates is worth it. We bought a few western shirts with pearl snaps earlier, so we fit in. Surprisingly we both had cowboy boots in our wardrobes and brought them along. We snap each other shirts and tuck them in, snuggly securing them with our belts and jeans. Looking at each other we snicker. These are costumes, but we think we nailed the aesthetic and don’t feel terribly uncomfortable in these duds. 

The hotel staff waves us goodbye as we set out for the evening. We’re grinning like fools and hope that doesn’t blow our cover. The hotel is less than a mile from the bar and Oliver navigates turn by turn on foot. He is always prepared and helpful in this way. I’m more lackadaisical and he doesn’t hold that against me. 

We head down an alley and see many unmarked doors, although one is painted pale yellow and Oliver raps on it. There’s a creaking sound as someone drops the cover of a peep hole and asks for the password. “Friends of Dorothy,” Oliver says confidently. The cover shuts and the door swings open. A burly bear of a man asks if we have any weapons to check at the door. “No sir,” we reply as he gently pats our pockets. This is the first time we required a pat down at a gay bar. Although it feels a little invasive, I remind myself that safety is a priority in this part of the country and these measures are to protect us. The bouncer waves us through after giving us a once over and winking. 

We pass the foyer and enter a dark room, with a smoky haze. There are Christmas lights strung along the beams of the ceiling and I assume they are there year round. On one side we have the bar, on the other a standing area and in the middle a large, open dance floor. Suddenly every set of eyes are fixed on us. Fresh meat. They must not see new people here often. Some upbeat country is blasting through the speakers, but no one is on the floor. Perhaps it is too early in the evening for raucous dancing. I drag Oliver by the hand to the bar and order us a round of beers. Coors or Coors Light and whiskey are the only choices. I order two of the Light’s and we start sipping, making little faces at each other over the taste. This is not the caliber of beverage we’re used to, but it’ll have to do. The music is so loud we can barely conversate, and mostly just squeeze each other’s waists and sway while looking out at the others. 

The crowd is sprinkled with a few women, but it’s mostly men dressed just like us. The only difference is their tight Wranglers and belt buckles. We missed a few details, apparently. The men talk amongst themselves while stealing glances toward us from the corners of their eyes. We’re used to this. Many an evening we show up to a place like this in a new town. The music, clothing, atmosphere is always different, but the reaction is the same. He and I try not to get big heads over this, but we know we’re devastatingly handsome and insight envy. Many men have tried to separate or join us, but we’re only for each other during these adventures. We want to savor every last second with each other, as uninterrupted as possible. We’re friendly and get to know the locals, but we know who we’re going home with. 

Just as the people watching and waist squeezing seems to get boring, I hear a familiar twang and look at Oliver with my mouth agape. I know this song. I’ve sang this song over and over thinking of him. I must dance with him to this song. Grabbing his hand I pull him onto the dance floor. Oliver isn’t the most willing dance partner, but for me he always complies. It’s so rare that we can dance without fear and we have to take advantage of that whenever it occurs. 

I grab his hand in mine and wrap my other arm around his waist. He does the same and squeezes me in tight, starting to step to the beat of the music we travel to and fro. I pull back a little and look into his face, surrounded by the glow of the multi colored lights. Surprising myself I start signing the lyrics while holding his gaze. 

🎶 Well I'm shameless when it comes to loving you I’ll do anything you want me to I’ll do anything at all  
And I'm standing here for all the world to see Oh baby that's what's left of me Don’t have very far to fall 🎶 

I can tell that Oliver recognizes the song and has a pained look in his eyes, but never looks away from me. His face tells me he’s feeling what I’m feeling. We’re in this together. 

🎶You know now I'm not a man who's ever been Insecure about the world I've been livin' in I don't break easy I have my pride But if you need to be satisfied  
I'm shameless, oh honey I don't have a prayer Every time I see you standin' there I go down upon my knees  
And I'm changin' swore I'd never compromise Oh but you convinced me otherwise I’ll do anything you please🎶

Our grips tighten and our bodies squeeze in as closely as possible, while still allowing us to keep eye contact. We pick up our pace and start gliding around the floor, not noticing we’re the only two dancing. 

🎶You see in all my life I've never found What I couldn't resist what I couldn't turn down I could walk away from anyone I ever knew But I can't walk away from you  
I have never let anything have this much control over me I work too hard to call my life my own And I've made myself a world and it's worked so perfectly But it's your world now I can't refuse I’ve never had so much to lose Oh I'm shameless🎶

During the break I shout, “I didn’t think you listened to music like this.”

Oliver places his lips to my ear, “My dear Elio, this song is everywhere. I love it and I hate it, because I know it’s about us. I know you feel this way...” The singing comes back before he can finish his thought. I’m so moved by this, knowing that we can hear the same song and both identify it as our own. I’m struck by the beauty and pain behind this realization and let the tears roll down my face as I start signing again, reaching a hand up to hold his cheek. His arms wrap around my middle and he holds me tight. 

🎶You know it should be easy for a man who's strong To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong I’ve never lost anything I've ever missed But I've never been in love like this  
It's out of my hands I’m shameless, I don't have the power now I don't want it anyhow So I got to let it go  
Oh I'm shameless, shameless as a man can be You make a total fool of me I just wanted to you to know  
Oh I'm shameless I just wanted you to know Oh I'm shameless Oh I'm down on my knees... shameless🎶

The song winds down. We are panting from the dance and brimming with emotions, we catch our breaths and look around. We see all the stares fixed on us and one of the men wiping a tear from his eye. 

Oliver looks me in the eye once again. “Elio, I’ve never been in love like this either.” He presses his lips to mine and we’re lost in this embrace until we hear clapping from behind us. We pull away, smiling awkwardly, we take a little bow. Oliver loves me. It’s not a show, although we’re happy to share our love. He’s all I need.


	2. Nous avons eu les étoiles, toi et moi:  Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Elio vacation in Paris. The meet an intriguing stranger at the Musée Rodin and make fast friends. The rest of the evening unfolds deliciously.

Paris, 1985

 

The chill is starting to set in as the sun goes down, but Oliver and I have more walking to do.  We set our plan for the day and were adamant about sticking to it.  This was our first trip since Rome, and to Paris no less!  I spent hours daydreaming over the phone with Oliver about what we wanted to experience together.  It felt very diplomatic, making an agenda, but we were learning this was our style.  An equal, caring, compromising partnership.  Maybe not the sexiest dynamic, but it is based on true, unwavering love.  We work well together and both of our experiences are better for it.  A perfect match, except that we are separated by many miles and Oliver’s wife.  We compromised on the biggest thing, which was sharing a life together.  I decided that it was better to have Oliver when I could, rather than not at all.  Everything feels bittersweet, but I push it out of my mind so I can focus on the here and now with my love in the City of Lights.  

I grab Oliver’s hand, and pull him to a halt.  Sunset over the left bank, was unfolding right before our eyes.  

“My love, just look,” I say, wrapping an arm around his waist, resting my head against his broad shoulder.  “Have you ever seen anything this magnificent?”

“Yes, my dear. The first sunset I shared with you... right before an incredibly long dinner where all I could think about was the many ways I wanted you.  How breathtaking you were.  How breathtaking you still are.”  Oliver leans in for a quick kiss.  Even in Paris, we must be careful not to draw too much attention.  A quick embrace and a kiss is acceptable between men, but anything more brought the possibility of unwanted negative attention.  That made our private time even more important and we had scheduled plenty of that.  The last day of our trip was to be spent completely indoors.  

I smiled up at Oliver and drew a deep breath.  Oliver tried to tug on my arm to get me moving, but I was staying put.  I grabbed the back of Oliver’s shirt and he got the message.  We stood for several minutes, until the sun disappeared behind the buildings.  I sighed as a tear rolled down my cheek.  Oliver spied this display of emotion and wiped the tear away, gently laughing at this part of my personality.  We smiled at each other and Oliver understood that I was overwhelmed with happiness, but also sad about the circumstances of our relationship.  We shared a bittersweet nonverbal understanding, and then shook it off as Oliver pulled the map out of his back pocket again.  I rolled my eyes and Oliver exclaimed, “What?”

“You know, I know the way, Oliver.”

“Well, I wasn’t sure.  I’ll follow you.  Please lead the way, my dear.”  Such a sweet concession he makes.  Oliver trusts me and in this moment, is even more impressed.  I’m a young man and know my way around several major cities I don’t live in.  This lets him know how quick of a study I am.  He’s told me many times he loves my brain and the way it works; so much so, that I might be starting to believe it.  

I grab his hand and we start walking at a brisk pace again.  The Musée Rodin had a special event that evening, keeping late hours and serving wine and cheese.  We secured the tickets months ago and it was a major impetus for both of us to pick Paris for our first travel adventure.  

Sculpture was something that brought us together and would give us the opportunity to reminisce about our time at Lake Garda; that first moment when I realized I loved Oliver.  The moment when Oliver was still oblivious to my love for him, but wanted me just as much.  

The walk was longer than Oliver anticipated, and we both had rosy cheeks and a sheen of sweat once we arrived at the musée. We looked at each other with lust.  There’s nothing like exercise to jump start the libido.  Putting those ideas in the back of our minds, we entered the building and see that it’s pristine and beautifully lit.  We are handed large glasses with small pours of red wine and a tiny plate with a few different cheeses.  We walk in the first room and start to admire the massive marble sculptures.  This first area contains many full body, intact sculptures and is simply breathtaking.  Just this room seems like a lifetime of work, but we know the prolific sculptor has a massive amount of work, just in this location, as well as all over the world.  Oliver takes a long draw on his wine and smacks his lips.  I raise my eyebrows, as to ask, that good, huh?  He encourages me to try the wine and I take my own long draw.  I look up at Oliver with a gaze that can only be described as deep desire.  Something about this wine, this art, this evening, has us feeling barely contained.  I blink my eyes hard, as if trying to rid my brain of the thought I just had.  

When I open, I see Oliver with a massive smile, laughing inaudibly at me, tummy shaking.  He’s always this way with me.  It’s as if I’m his greatest amusement.  I return his lightly mocking gesture with a smirk and turn my back, traveling to the nearest sculpture.  This is the game we are going to play all evening:  see how long we can go without touching each other.  It’s very hard for me and sometimes I feel as if I’m expending a great deal of energy just making sure I give nothing away in front of strangers.  

We have eaten our cheeses, drunk our wine and discarded the dishes.  Traveling around the room again, we stop and describe what we see in each sculpture, admiring the workmanship and the bodies carved into stone, the culture at the time the work was created, the message behind the art.  Entering the next room, we see another array of wine and cheese, and realize we will be treated to something new in each room.  The event is starting to feel magical, taking on the quality of the dinner during which the San Clemente Syndrome was extrapolated upon.  The people around us taking in the art, sharing ideas, flirting, living life to its fullest.  This is what I ache for.  To be part of this world with him all the time.  I want to strike up conversations with strangers, never knowing where the night will lead us.  My heart is full, but also hurting knowing that this is fleeting.  I let out a sigh without Oliver noticing and recommit myself to enjoying his company on this joyous evening.  

The new room contains a bronze, turned green sculpture, of a woman’s torso with an arched back.  I don’t want to say it, but the shape is reminiscent of Marzia, whom I adore, but not nearly as much as Oliver.  We admire all the long curves and luscious breasts of the sculpture and circle the form a couple more times.  Sometimes in my mind I reconcile that we both still love women.  I’m not even sure what to call that, if it needs a label.  In passing I’ve heard the term bisexual and I wonder if that is right for both of us.  Loving men and women equally, or sometimes favoring one sex over the other.  When I’ve thought about it on my own I’m reluctant to talk more with Oliver on the subject because he hasn’t always been open to discussing sexuality.  He seems to have walls built up, but we know that sex with men and women is pleasing to us both.  I can rest assured with that fact for now.  Desiring this beautiful female form together feels new and interesting.    
_____________________

My ears prick up as I hear male voices, speaking English in this Parisian museum.  When I raise my eyes, I see two stunning men circling a sculpture of a female torso, both looking as though they are in some kind of trance.  There are many American tourists in Paris in the fall, but none quite as handsome as these.  For the past few weeks, I’d been traveling around Paris on my own, seeing all the things I studied in books for years, having moments of pure bliss, taking in the art in this incredible city.  I’d recently earned my doctorate in fine art, but had never been able to afford a trip to Europe.  I scrimped and saved, gathered the money I received as graduation gifts, and bought myself a month in Paris.  Based on my studies, that might not even be enough time to see all the sights, but I was going to try my best.  Although I am committed to seeing everything I came here to see, I had also picked up a lover here and there.  Having a French lover has always been a fantasy tucked away in the far corner of my brain.  Never could I have imaged that coming true.  I’d already made my way through the Musée Rodin and was winding back through.  Sufficiently tipsy, I had a truck load of confidence and was going to put it to good use.  My grandmother let me borrow her mink stole, an accessory that had rarely made its way out of her closet.  It was perfect for these upper scale events on my agenda and I paired it with a black wiggle dress and modest heels.  Grandmother lent me some jewelry under the pretense that I wouldn’t stay in hostels.  I thought that little detail didn’t matter much, if everything was returned to her.  What she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her.  My lips were bright red and I wore short lace gloves, just the right signature for Paris.  One might say I was donning a vintage Parisian look and I felt extremely sexy.  

I slowly approached the two men and they didn’t hear me, so I startled them with my hello. Both men gave me a quick once over and returned the hello with inquisitive looks. 

“Are you Americans?” I asked, trying to act as though I didn’t find them devastatingly handsome.  

The taller, blonde man returned my question, “Why, yes.  I’m a New Englander and this one here, well, Elio do you call yourself American?”

Elio blushed a bit and lowered his eyes to his feet, “Well, not exactly.  I don’t think I’ve ever stayed in one place long enough to call it a residence, but I was born in Boston.”  He raised his eyes, looking as though he regained some confidence.  

“Fascinating!  So, you’ve been all over then?”

“Yes, Italy, France, Israel, various US cities.  My father’s a professor and we now summer in Italy, mostly, near Crema.  We had brief stays in France and Israel when he got semester long assignments to teach English speakers in those countries.  My parents are rather mobile.”

“Lucky you!  I’m from Chicago.  This is my first time in Paris.  And where are my manners?  I’m Brooke, and you are?” I extend my hand to each of them and learn the taller one is called Oliver.  Elio and Oliver.  They have so much energy buzzing off them, it excites me even more.  Oliver informs me they just got here and asks if I would like to travel with them through the rest of the museum?  I agree and let them talk me into even more wine.  Oliver is so tall and eloquent, but it’s Elio I’m more curious about.  I’m a bit older than him, but his intellect seems to be matched to mine.  He’s shy, guarded and I’m going to break him of that.  I promise myself he’ll be my friend by the end of the night, maybe more than a friend.  

Watching these men appreciate art feels like foreplay.  Is it?  They are so incredibly beautiful, watching them do anything would turn me on.  What might they have in store for this evening?  My mind is starting to work out the possibilities, but I’m more focused on what I want.  The way they look at each other, I wonder if they are lovers.  That seems far-fetched, but what I’m studying before me makes me think otherwise.  I’ve never seen men interact this way.  They are so soft and sincere with each other, the way you would be with a lover.  When I wander away a little, I see Oliver grab Elio’s hand and press his lips to his ear, whispering something.  That is the unmistakable behavior of lovers.  I’m not going to question that anymore.  With all my studies, I learned a good deal about love between men and how it came to be out of fashion.  I never understood why that was necessary, but I blame much of it on the Puritans and right now I’m cursing them, because what I’m seeing is so beautiful, it almost makes me teary.  The men turn to me and ask if I’d like to join them at the lounge in their hotel for a nightcap?  Yes, absolutely.  How could I pass up that opportunity? 

I feel a bit of guilt for not paying more attention to the art on my second viewing, but the distraction of these two men is likely worth it and my wine buzz has my head a little cloudy.  Seeing it again through their eyes was not what I was expecting from the evening, but beautiful nonetheless.  We pile into a taxi and I sit between them, feeling the heat of them on either side of me.  Being this close, I pick up their scents and the testosterone seeping out of their pores gets me even more buzzed.  I am regaled by Oliver with a story of his summer in Italy, where he met Elio and it sounds incredibly romantic.  Oliver then gushes about Elio’s parents and their hospitality.  I turn to Elio and ask if this is true and he agrees, that they are experienced hosts and put on lovely dinners each night for anyone who wants to join them.  He seems a little removed from the conversation though, obviously, he doesn’t like talking about himself and his family this way, but what does he love to talk about?  I ask him about his interests and he reveals that he’s an experienced pianist and budding composer.  I am blown away.  That’s what it is.  He’s an artist; he contains multitudes.  Part of my studies included learning about the personalities of artists and Elio is starting to make more sense to me.  He’s taking a week away from Juilliard for this vacation with Oliver.  It was clear there was so much under the surface and this makes me that much more excited for what comes next.  

We arrive at the hotel and make our way into the dimly lit lounge and Oliver orders a round of martinis.  He informs me that this is a tradition and the way he and Elio plan to end every big night out they share.  This is my in. 

“So, are there plans for more big nights out in the future?” I pry.

Elio looks sheepish again, gently grasping his martini glass.  He takes a small sip and then looks me right in the eye.  “Can’t you tell?  This is more than a friendship.”  So serious, he is.  Perhaps he takes their relationship more seriously than Oliver.  

At that Oliver slips his arm around Elio’s shoulders and says to me breezily, “He’s my lover.  We fell in love that summer and have been loving each other ever since, even if time and circumstances have kept us apart.  Elio and I plan on having adventures for the foreseeable future.”  He quickly kisses Elio’s cheek and they blush a little, but also look proud and confident.  

“That’s wonderful,” I gush.  “It’s such a beautiful thing for two lovely souls to find each other.”  My smile is probably the widest it’s ever been.  Confirming what I suspected has me floating on air.  What they don’t know is I’ve fantasized about men making love to each other for years.  Nothing excites me more than all the sexual possibilities of two men coming together.  I love men and their bodies and thinking about them making love; nothing is hotter to me.  This is something I haven’t shared with anyone.  I’m afraid someone will think it perverse, but I know it’s not.  I won’t let anyone intrude on the joy those fantasies bring me.  There is no shame for me, only the reality of how the world views sex between men.  Whatever happens, I’ll have their images burned into my brain and can do whatever I please with them.  Internally, I collect myself as well as I can.  

“I’m glad you think so,” says Elio with an intensity behind his eyes.  “We were whispering at the Musée over whether we should tell you.  We decided you were likely a safe person.”

“Oh, yes.  Absolutely.  I’m not naive about the way the world works, so I understand your need for discretion.  You’re safe with me.”  I warmly smile at them, touched that they gleaned this from me in the short moments we’ve shared together so far.  

Elio reaches a hand up to my cheek and asks, “How safe exactly?  I’m not sure we want to play everything safe tonight.”  He rotates his palm, so he can trace the line of my neck with the back of his fingers.  As he reaches my stole, he slips a finger beneath and then gently pulls back his hand.  He squeezes Oliver in tightly to his side and lowers his gaze, so he’s staring up at me from beneath his thick lashes.  His gaze asks a question.  I’m not sure exactly what that question is, but I have a good guess.  Elio has surprised me with this act of seduction.  I knew he had it in him, but I wasn’t expecting it to be directed at me. His stare causes a deep blush and I try to speak, but can’t find the words.  I take a sip of my martini to give myself a moment and look back at Elio.  He has not wavered.  I raise a hand to my chest and clutch at my stole.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I finally muster.  The men look at each other and laugh.  This strikes a chord with them, but now I’m feeling self-conscious.  Never have I received a proposition like this and I don’t want to assume anything. And that laughing, what’s that about?

Oliver takes my free hand.  “Yes, we’d like you to join us in our hotel room to make love with both of us.  That is, if it pleases you.”

I feel myself collapsing inward for a moment and I realize what I’m doing.  That collapse is not in the spirit of the adventure I was looking for in Paris and I snap out of it.  I raise my head and throw back my shoulders.  “I’m in,” I say.  


	3. Nous avons eu les étoiles, toi et moi:  Part 2

At that Elio touches my face again and leans in for a kiss, sucking at my bottom lip and lighting me on fire.  He quickly juts his tongue into my mouth before pulling away.  His gaze has softened and he smiles at me with warmth I haven’t seen yet from him.  It sets me at ease.  

We settle our tab and the men get up, latching their arms to either side of me, on the way to the elevator.  A bellhop meets us and pulls open the grate.  He stands eyes forward and Oliver pushes in close behind me while I face Elio.  I peek over my shoulder at Oliver and see him press up against my back, letting me feel his hardness and my eyes widen.  He grins down at me devilishly.  I’m feeling rather nervous, at the possibility of the bellhop picking up on our behavior, then calm myself knowing this likely is not the first time people have been inappropriate in an elevator.  

Oliver is so very tall I start to consider the mechanics of making love to someone of that height.  I’d done it before, and enjoyed the challenge.   My breathing grows deeper and I turn to see Elio smiling at Oliver, which turns up my lust even further.  We reach our floor and hurry out of the elevator.  Elio takes my hand and kisses it before pulling me in the direction of the room.  He’s trying to woo me.  Oliver quickly unlocks the door and Elio pulls me inside and we sit on the edge of the bed waiting for Oliver.  Elio holds my face in both of his hands and dives in for another kiss.  Pulling back, he quickly compliments me on my taste and scent and touches his lips to mine again. He’s a voracious kisser, which I don’t mind occasionally, but I pull back and ask him to slow down.  He looks a little hurt, and I smooth his curly locks trying to reassure him.  Turning, I see Oliver standing before us, with a dark look in his eyes, slowly rubbing his cock through his pants.  He reaches out and places a hand on each of our shoulders, towering above us.  “You know, Brooke, we’ve never done this before.  I don’t think either of us have had two partners at the same time, right Elio?”

“That’s right, it’s a first for me too.”

I chime in, “Same for me.  I’ve never imagined something like this for myself, but now that I’m here... well, I’m just thrilled.  The two of you...” I trail off, being distracted by their sexual energies, their beautiful bodies.  

Oliver kneels down, “We know.  Everywhere we go someone falls in love with us, but until tonight we never wanted to invite anyone along.  You’re just so beautiful and intriguing.”  Oliver leans in and kisses me before I have a chance to respond and Elio climbs behind me, hugging my middle, nuzzling into my neck and moving his hands up to cup my breasts while Oliver explores my mouth with his tongue.  Oliver’s thick stubble tickles my chin, as he grinds his mouth against mine.  Immediately, I feel overwhelmed with all this attention, but force myself to settle into it and enjoy the sensations.  Oliver pulls back and Elio whispers into my ear, “Is there anything off limits?”

Off limits?  I’d never thought too hard about that before now.  “I don’t think so, but I’ll tell you if you’ve crossed a line.”  I mean that.  It’s always been my approach to sex.  Try everything and say no when needed.  I’m an explorer and this is a new, exciting venture.  Elio tucks my hair behind my ear and gently licks my ear lobe, breathing heavily.  “I do have a request though.  Something I’ve thought about for ages.  Could I sit back for a few moments and just watch?  I’ll join in later, but I just want to see for a little while.”  

“Are you sure?  I mean, we want you here with us.  Is everything okay?” Elio asks with knit brows.  He squeezes me a little tighter. 

I raise a hand to his face and lean back against his chest.  “Don’t fret, my dear.  This is actually a fantasy I’ve had for years and it would mean so much to me if the two of you are comfortable with that.  I definitely want you inside of me, just let me have this amuse bouche, first.”  

Elio relaxes and asks, “So you just want to watch us for now?”

“Yes, exactly.  Is that okay with you?”

He grins and replies, “I’m in.  Oliver, are you in?”  Likely no one has ever asked them to perform in this way.  I wonder what it’s doing for their egos, if they are nervous at all.  

Oliver nods vigorously and stands, letting me pass him by.  I make my way over to a chair near the bed and slide off my stole and inch up the hem of my dress a bit, crossing my legs.  I fold my hands in my lap, patiently awaiting their next move.  

Oliver who seemed so confident just a moment before, now is fumbling around, seeming uncertain of what to do.  He looks to me for guidance.  

“Just do what you’d normally do, please,” I say while tracing my bottom lip with my finger.  The men both turn from looking at me and stare into the eyes of the other for a moment, as if to say here goes nothing.  

Elio is lifted to his feet and the men wrap their arms around each other and slowly kiss.  I savor the sight of them, the sounds their mouths make, the little groans they let go here and there.  They rub each other’s backs and Elio leans his pelvis in, making contact with Oliver’s strong thigh.  After a bit of grinding, Oliver grabs the hem of Elio’s shirt and gently tugs until it is removed.  Elio is so lean.  He hid some of his thinness under a baggy shirt and I note how this appeals to me, even though it never has before.  I clear my throat and put up my hands and Oliver throws the shirt to me.  Holding it up to my face, I take a deep breath and revel in his scent.  Once the men have each other’s attention again I specifically smell the armpit of the shirt.  Something others might think to be weird or gross, I love.  Picking up the scents from the most fragrant parts of the body is something I’ve always enjoyed and this man smells heavenly.  A light mix of amber and musk.  

Oliver then picks up Elio by grasping his ass and Elio wraps his legs around his middle.  He holds him there for a moment, then turns and pushes him against the wall.  Oliver rubs his dick against Elio and they bounce up and down slowly.  Elio digs his hands into Oliver’s hair and pulls, so that their mouths part and Elio grins devilishly.  He must have a need to take control when he feels too vulnerable.  Oliver smiles and then kisses Elio’s neck, with intermittent licks along the length.  Elio loses control for a moment, groaning loudly and struggling against Oliver.  Right before Elio completely unwinds, Oliver backs off and sets him on his feet.  Oliver looks to me.  “More?” he asks.  

“Yes, please,” I say with a massive smile on my face.  “Will you undress each other?” I say as I pull up my dress further, revealing my black lace panties, spreading my legs.  Elio looks positively pained at this, as if I’m torturing him.  I glare at him as I slip my hand into my underwear and begin rubbing myself.  Elio’s jaw drops.  

“Why are you doing that?” he asks in a playful tone.  

“Your beauty is so inspiring,” I reply as I continue with the soft motion of my hand.  

Elio is verklempt, but undoes his pants so he can reach his cock and he starts stroking, keeping eye contact with me for a moment.  This seems rather bold when he was exuding shyness mere moments ago.  He then turns to Oliver and removes his hand from his cock so he can unbutton his shirt.  Elio gingerly slips off Oliver’s shirt and caresses his chest, before working on his pants.  He tugs them down and kneels before Oliver, now standing in his boxers and socks, erection making a tent.  Elio tugs down the waistband of the boxers and sets free Oliver’s massive cock.  I balk taking in the size of it.  Elio looks toward me as he grasps Oliver’s cock and keeps looking as he slips the head into his mouth.  Searching for my approval, I nod and speed up the caress of my clit, my breath quickening.  

Elio takes Oliver as far as he can and gags a bit.  Oliver smiles down on Elio and gently rests a hand on his head so he can feel those silky curls beneath his fingers.  Watching the motion of Elio bobbing is so very satisfying, but then I start to take note of Oliver.  Now that he’s naked I am fully appreciating his form.  He’s tan and firm.  Obviously, he takes good care of his body and his muscles are rippling, on the verge of being too big.  He’s so tall, he constantly looks like he’s towering over anyone next to him.  Oliver sweeps a hand through Elio’s hair, pushing it away from his face and it sends a thrill through me.  Seeing that massive hand and strong arm in motion, makes me want him closer to me, but I’ll wait.  The magic is in the tease for me.  I want to wait until it hurts not being next to them.  

The blowjob comes to a halt as Oliver pulls Elio to his feet.  Oliver lays down on the bed, his erection so very hard, with his long legs dangling off the edge and he tells Elio to straddle his chest, facing toward Oliver’s dick.  Elio does as he’s told and Oliver dives his face into his ass, eating with gusto.  Elio’s abs are clenching so hard he can barely stay upright.  I see the mix of pleasure and pain on Elio’s face, as if Oliver has turned up the pleasure way too high.  He squeezes his eyes shut and lets the moans escape him and he seems transported; unaware of anything else happening in the room.  When he comes back, he falls forward and takes Oliver into his mouth again.  Oliver hums with approval and loves Elio’s mouth on him.  Now they are both making delicious sounds and this scene takes me over the edge.  I let my orgasm happen and make some sound of my own.  Both men stop what they are doing and look at me.  I’m huddled over, grinding against my hand and riding out the rest of my orgasm.  

As I sit up, Elio asks me, “Did you just...?” He trails off, out of breath.  An incredulous look on his face.  

Instead of speaking, I get up, unzip my dress and let it fall to the floor.  My mind is racing.  I’m buzzed and riding the wave of euphoria after my orgasm.  Seeing the pleasure on their faces was the most satisfying sexual experience of my life to date.  These men are so beautiful and so obviously in love.  They know each other’s bodies well, which makes me excited and nervous for what comes next.  

Keeping my bra, panties, garter and hose on, I kick off my shoes and walk over to the bed.  The men rearrange themselves to make room for me between them.  I lean back into Oliver’s warm, hairy chest, letting him prop me up as he grabs onto my hips, greedily rubbing his hard cock against my lace, kissing the back of my neck and my shoulders.  Elio dives in for a kiss and puts his hand down my panties, feeling my wetness.  He pulls his hand back and licks his fingers as if he’s tasting the most delectable treat.  Elio presses his lips against mine so I can taste myself in his mouth and I savor the sweetness.  Elio dives his hand back down and starts to rub my clit.  I’m overly sensitive so I pull back and tell him to give my clit a rest, but that he can put his fingers inside of me.  Again, he looks like a sad puppy for a moment, but then seems glad for the direction.  He does as he’s told carefully and I rock with him as Oliver continues to rub up against me. Elio slides down the cup of my bra and lifts my breast out, then takes my nipple in his mouth and teases it with his tongue.  He’s so tender, as he looks up at me begging for more approval.  I smile and encourage him to keep going and ride the wave of pleasure they are giving me, attending to different parts of my body.  This act has me transported and I have to check in that this is really happening.  These men are both loving on my body and it’s difficult to believe it’s true.  Forcing myself to focus in on sensation, I ground myself again and pay attention to my nerve endings lighting up under my skin.  This is real.  I relax into the moment.  

Oliver rests his hands on my shoulders and asks, “Do you trust me?”

I give him a breathy yes and he pulls away and explains a scenario.  He wants everyone to lay on their side.  Oliver will give me head, while I give Elio analingus and Elio will blow Oliver.  This sounds like a dream to me.  Elio looks nervous, yet eager.  How does he manage to show that many emotions at the same time on his face?  

The men go to work preparing me.  Elio says he wants to leave my garter and hose on and I agree.  He unclips my hose, so he can slide down my panties.  The way he looks at me while he slips his hands beneath the waistband makes my stomach flip.  As he works off my panties, Oliver releases the clasps of my bra and my breast are finally free and I feel more relaxed.  Once these articles are removed, we saddle up next to each other and I first feel Oliver’s warm, wet tongue slowly lapping at my folds.  It’s been some time since someone licked me there and it feels better than I remember, or maybe it’s just the sexiness of the moment with these two men, turning up my senses.  Elio has that look again; the poor thing is questioning every move.  Or maybe he’s never had a woman in that place.  I wonder if Oliver is the only one to have licked him there.  The thought drives me forward and I make contact.  Elio takes a deep breath, then lets out a long moan that drives me to the edge of madness.  The smell of him, the way he’s responding, it turns up the pleasure for me and I try to simultaneously attend to Elio, while enjoying Oliver’s tongue.  My hips rock with the speed of Oliver’s motions and I feel another orgasm building.  I try to stave it off, but there’s no way.  The stimulation and recognizing what I’m doing with these two beautiful men, I can’t hold back.  Pulling away from Elio my moan comes out like more of a yell and I cover my mouth with my hand, almost embarrassed at my reaction.  I see Oliver’s head pop up and he looks rather pleased with himself and I say thank you to him.  He just laughs, baring those beautiful gleaming teeth, and I’m happy to see him being really present with me.  Oliver definitely tried to charm me earlier and perhaps I didn’t give him much attention. I think that’s because he is so traditionally handsome that I don’t normally expect a man like him to be interested in me.  He loves Elio and Elio and I are more similar, so this makes sense.  

I’m emboldened once again, after having this moment of connection with Oliver.  I ask him to blow Elio while I take a breather.  Both men seem to understand my need for a break and don’t fuss over me.   They enthusiastically agree to the idea.  I sit at the head of the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest and Oliver tugs Elio to the edge of the bed.  Oliver kneels on the floor before him.  Elio props up on his elbows so he can watch and Oliver takes his erection into his mouth, quite expertly.  The thing I notice from my vantage point is Oliver stroking himself while moving up and down on Elio’s dick.  What a sight to behold.  I start to get curious regarding what it feels like to have that massive cock inside of me; remembering the few similarly proportioned I had the pleasure of meeting in the past.  Taking this moment to rest my body, I consider what I want next and I’m surprised at what comes to me. I blush hard, but neither of the men notice me, thank goodness.  Wanting to continue exuding confidence, I let the men continue for a few moments.  Elio appears to be getting too close to orgasm, so Oliver pulls back and checks in with him.  He confirms he needs a break and Oliver climbs on top of him and they kiss slowly, both of their tongues slick and working against the other.  The lines of their faces as they kiss look like a work of art.  Both men’s jaw lines and cheek bones are superb and the mood lighting of the hotel room bring the lines into clear focus, with the light and shadows playing off each other perfectly.  I trace my eyes along their necks and study their Adam’s apples and the muscles and veins protruding.  So much beauty is present, I must look away a few moments to relax.  They still don’t notice, which is a relief to me.  I check in again and ask myself if this next fantasy is what I really want and I settle on going for it, because who knows when I will have another chance at this, especially with men this beautiful.  

The men pull their faces apart and whisper I love you to each other, which warms my heart.  It feels like magic sharing this moment with them and I prepare myself for what I’m about to ask.  The men turn to me with inquisitive looks.  They’re ready to include me again and the gazes they shoot my way give me an excited shiver.  I feel that familiar throb between my legs, even though I’ve already been thoroughly satisfied, my body and mind want more.  I’d spend forever here with them, if I could.  


	4. Nous avons eu les étoiles, toi et moi:  Part 3

Oliver reaches out and caresses my foot and turns up a corner of his mouth in a sexy little half smile.  He pulls on my ankle and I scoot down the bed, closer to them.  His warm mouth wraps around my toes and I giggle.  It’s such a strange sensation to have your toes in someone’s mouth, but it feels amazing.  He lets me go and grins at me.  This is so different than anything I’ve experienced before.  There is such a playful, explorative element.  I think for a moment, that most of the sexual experiences I have had with men don’t involve a great deal of communication.  They usually take the lead and show me what they want rather than tell me.  Some ask if I like what they are doing, but few have ever allowed me to direct the experience.  I wonder if I should wait for them to direct, but recommit myself to my aim.  This is going to be everything I want.  My voice cracks as I try to speak up.  Elio looks concerned.  “You okay, dear?”  

“Oh, absolutely.  Very good.  I….. I…..”  This is much harder to say than I imagined.  The tightening in my throat doesn’t let up.  My fantasy is greedy and nothing I’ve ever heard a woman want before, but it’s mine and I try not to judge it.  Nothing sexual is wrong between consenting adults.  It’s now or never.  “I want both of you inside me,” I finally blurt out so quickly they don’t understand me.  I bring my palms to my face, horrified I must say this again.  Breathing deeply, I let my hands fall and look at them again.  They both look a little confused.  Slowly this time.  “I want both of your dicks inside me at the same time.”  There, that was much clearer.  

The men show surprise on their faces and turn to each other.  Their smiles become devilish and I know they approve of the idea.  Elio takes the lead now.  “Perfect, yes.  We want to be inside of you, too.  Any particular configuration you desire?”

This man.  So clinical and proper and that tickles me.  It helps me lighten up a bit.  I skip a beat, but I already know what I desire.  “I want Oliver on his back.  I’ll ride him and Elio, you can be behind me.”  I have a feeling Elio doesn’t get to be in that position often and it seems to be the perfect configuration with all our various characteristics.  

Elio creeps out from beneath Oliver and kisses me passionately, slowly slipping his tongue into my mouth and his hand between my legs to tease my clit for a moment.  Pulling back, I see the look in his eyes and I can only describe it as intense anticipation.  He bites his lower lip, a mannerism that drives me wild.  “You know, that might be the sexiest request anyone has ever made.  I’m so ready.  Are you?”

I bite my lower lip in response, mirroring him, and nod.  He springs into action and pulls me up so that Oliver can lie down in the middle of the bed.  Oliver wordlessly settles himself and gives his huge cock a couple of slow caresses.  He then motions for me with a finger that tells me it’s time.  I don’t hesitate as he grabs my hips and helps me on top of him.  My legs spread apart to accommodate his width and he looks me in the eye as he guides his cock inside me.  My jaw falls open as I begin to feel the pressure of his hardness enter me.  There’s a tiny twinge of pain as my body adjusts to his size, but it hurts in a good way.  I stay upright, wrapping an arm around my middle and a hand around my neck.  He looks concerned, but once I’ve completely taken him in and sit for a second I look down at him and he knows how good this feels for me.  Some women experience pain when a hard cock pushes up against their cervix, but not me.  It’s the most delicious sensation and I savor it for a moment before letting Oliver rock my hips.  

Having a cock inside of me has never felt so good.  I don’t know if it’s his size or the presence of Elio, but I can’t even think of a word to describe this pleasure.  Then I realize what’s coming.  Elio had gotten up to apply some lubrication to his cock and he places a hand on my shoulder, softly asking if I’m ready.  I turn my head and meet his mouth, then answer affirmatively.  

Oliver’s face has flushed as he takes in Elio and what’s about to happen.  Elio slides a palm down my back and pushes me a bit to get me positioned well.  I’m now bent over Oliver and let some of my weight go, resting on his warm chest.  Elio then presses the head of his cock against my other hole and disbelief leaves me as this becomes a reality.  Oliver kisses me, jutting his tongue into my mouth as Elio pushes in, slowly working his length inside.  Once he’s as far as he will go, we all settle for a moment and a tear falls from my eye.  I want to let a sob go, but I breathe through it and try to remember what it feels like to be filled with two of the most beautiful men in existence.  Then they start to move.  Oliver and Elio work in tandem, keeping a steady beat, pushing and pulling together.  They move slowly at first and it feels so sensual having the heat from both their bodies radiate on either side of me.  Then the pace quickens and I feel the beads of sweat springing up on all our bodies, the slickness making the friction between our skin dissipate and we slide easily against one another.  My lips pressed to Oliver’s chest, I can’t help but take a small bite.  He seems to enjoy this, so I sink my teeth in a little harder and feel his hips buck.  The increased pressure and speed has begun to stir another orgasm.  It will be here soon.  

I feel a tug at the back of my head as Elio takes a handful of my hair in his fist.  This is unexpected, but feels incredible.  He uses the fist of hair to pull me up a bit as he leans down and wraps an arm around my ribcage, supporting my breasts.  Elio leans in and breathes heavily into my ear.  The sweat from his forehead makes contact with my face and I enjoy the sensation of the beads rolling down my cheek.  “How does it feel?  I have to know.”

No man has ever asked me this before and my brain struggles to find the words.  

“I don’t.... I can’t...” I stammer as I’m being rocked back and forth.  

“Yes, you do.  Now tell me what it feels like,” he grinds out between clenched teeth.  He’s rough and demanding, which turns me on even more.  

I breathe harder, feeling my orgasm approaching quickly, but I finally know what to say.  “It feels like a star exploding.”  Elio bites down on my neck and I come harder than ever imaginable.  I can’t help but squeeze my eyes shut and see bursts of color behind my eyelids as I scream with the release.  My scream feels primal, animal.  Like I let something go that had been buried deep inside me.  This time I let the tears roll down my face.  Tears of joy and I start laughing giddily as the men slow and stop.  

Oliver, looking perplexed, wipes the tears from my face.  “That good, huh?” 

I calm myself and stop laughing, trying to catch my breath.  “Yes,” is all I can reply.  

“God, that was sexy.  Seeing Elio over your shoulder as you came like that.  I want more.  Can we have more?”

“Yes, keep going.  I don’t want you to stop.”  

Oliver grabs onto my thighs and lifts me up, so he has more freedom and range of motion to work his massive cock inside me.  Elio keeps working away, keeping a beautiful rhythm with Oliver.  Oliver breaks the trance I fell into.  “I forgot something,” he exclaims.

“What?” Elio says with a concerned tone.  

“I brought something along that maybe Brooke will like.”

From the nightstand drawer, he grabs a Hitachi Magic Wand.  “I heard this gives women really great orgasms.  I was going to try it on myself and Elio, but Brooke this may be better for you.  Do you want to try it?”  He switches it on and it is extremely loud.  I touch the end of it with my fingertips and feel the strength of the vibration.  Vibrators are not a new thing for me, but this feels incredibly strong and I am highly intrigued.  I nod and he works the vibrator between us, making contact with my clit.  Immediately, I feel a jolt and love the sensation.  I arch my back, to make firmer contact with the vibration and it’s only a matter of 30 seconds before I’m orgasming again.  Elio pulls me to his chest as I convulse for several seconds and I push the wand away from me, so I can catch my breath.  Looking down at Oliver with wide eyes, I tell him to give me a moment, but I want more.  The way this feels, it’s as if each orgasm of the night has improved upon itself.  As soon as I think it’s the best I’ve ever had, there’s more.  I give Oliver permission to make contact with the wand again and I last a little longer this time, the thrusting of the men’s hard cocks increasing in speed, made the next orgasm even more intense and I revel in it.  

Once I’ve recovered, I realize I’m becoming fatigued.  The excitement coupled with all these orgasms has me feeling exhausted.  Ready for the men to make this pleasure about themselves as well, I tell Oliver I’m done with the wand and ask him to fuck me harder.  I turn my head to Elio and encourage him too.  They deserve to get theirs, after all this hard work.  Oliver and Elio seem to understand what I’m needing.  I sincerely don’t want this to end, but my body is ready to rest.  Oliver clamps down on my hips and Elio holds on right above Oliver. The speed and pressure keep building and the determination on Oliver’s face lets me know he’s ready to orgasm.  

I’m out of touch with what Elio is feeling, but then he starts vocalizing and I know he’s near.  Elio digs his fingers into my soft flesh and tells me he’s coming in a husky tone, as he pounds at me for a few more seconds.  I’m so happy he’s come and experienced even more pleasure.  He slows to a halt and Oliver tells him to stay where he is for a few more moments.  He obliges and Oliver keeps firmly thrusting into me.  I watch his face and listen to his breath as he continues to enjoy my body.  His gaze focuses intensely on me and then he pulls out coming on his stomach.  I look at the pool of milky liquid on his taught abs, relishing in the sight.  He’s out of breath, trying to recover.  Oliver spreads a smile across his face and wipes the sweat from his brow.  

Elio removes himself from me and we topple down onto the bed, sweating, breathing heavily, completely satiated.  After wiping up, Oliver lays on his side and pets my hair gingerly.  He looks weary somehow, but I don’t think too much of it.  Elio holds me close and tells me thank you while kissing my shoulders.  That strikes me as odd.  I feel like I should be thanking them.  They gave me so much this evening.  This feeling, this satisfaction, this peacefulness was unexpected and it feels like a gift.  I think quietly for a few moments to myself about how much this meant to me and the different desires it awakened.  Learning that I may be able to have what I truly want is opening my imagination to possibilities.  I’m not sure that I will ever have this again, but know now it’s a fantasy I can make a reality, if I find willing partners.  A small wave of sadness rushes over me, realizing that I will never have this exactly again, but maybe I can come close in the future.  The connection between these two is what made this so unique.  I somehow felt that they were bound by sharing my body, experiencing something new themselves.  Learning the possibilities of where their love can take them and how much it means when you share it with another.  I take nothing for granted.  Silently, I celebrate their love.  

With the late hour and all the energy expelled, I unintentionally drift off to sleep while Elio holds me and Oliver runs his hands through my hair.  


	5. Nous avons eu les étoiles, toi et moi:  Part 4

After they fall asleep, I find myself wide awake.  My brain will not turn off.  Making my way to a chair, I sit and think while watching them.  Their chests rising and falling peacefully.  From across the room I almost wish that Elio and Brooke could turn into something.  Almost.  They seem to have a strong connection and I want him to have someone, because I know he’s sad.  I know he wants me and no one else.  At times, I want him for myself, but that’s not fair to him.  I love him; therefore, I cannot claim him for my own.  He must be shared.  Tonight was a beautiful way to share him, regardless of how it made me feel. 

The moment I agreed to come to Paris with Elio I felt the guilt intermingle with excitement.  What am I to do?  Who do I think I am?  How could I ever resist his pull?  I know married men have affairs and if there were ever a good reason to have an affair, I think Elio is it.  Stewing in my guilt and indecision, I decide to get some air.  Perhaps a walk can clear my mind.  I quietly dress and slip out of the hotel room, headed to I don’t know where.

It’s positively cold when I step out in the early morning hours.  Thinking this may have been a bad idea, I falter, but the thought of facing those two moves me out onto the street.  The biting cold feels like punishment and I think that’s appropriate for what I’ve done.  I deserve some pain.  Making love to Elio is one thing, but another woman... well, I just don’t know how to feel about that.  Is that even more disrespectful to my wife?

Walking briskly, I stay on a straight path, worried I won’t be able to find my way back if I make too many twists and turns.  I keep going and my vigor makes the cold a little easier to deal with.  After some time, I spy a lit awning and wonder what establishment would be open at this hour.  As I approach, I realize that it’s a smoky lounge and I decide to stop and warm up with a whiskey.  

When I pull open the door, I’m hit with a wave of hot air and feel relief.  I take in the scene and there are only three people in this establishment: the bartender, a piano player and a woman, likely in her 50’s seated at the end of the bar.  They seem to not care about my presence, but when I sit down the bartender becomes attentive.  He says something in French I don’t quite understand, but I assume means: what will you have?  I point to the bottle filled with brown liquid I assume to be whiskey or bourbon and he pours me two fingers neat and goes back to reading a book.  

I sip quietly for a few moments, trying to use the haunting melody coming from the piano to guide my thoughts.  Coming up with nothing, I lift my head and see the woman has swiveled in her chair and is staring at me, unabashedly.  I smile to her and she motions for me to move down and sit next to her.  Taking the direction, I walk over and before sitting ask, “Parlez-vous anglais?”  

She turns up her nose at the question.  “American?” she asks.

“Oui.  Mon français est tres mal.”  

“Okay, I’ll reserve judgment until I get to know you better,” she says while extending her hand for me to shake.  “I’m Véronique.  And what shall I call you?” 

“Oliver, enchanté,” I reply as gently shaking her hand and kissing each cheek.  She seems to be less severe at this display of respect for her culture and I take my seat next to her.  She lights a cigarette and I ask if I may have one.  Obligingly, she passes one to me and lights it, showing dominance.  

“What is a man like you doing alone at this hour?  Don’t you have someone waiting for you?”  She gestures with the hand holding the cigarette, the way you see in old French films.  Her red nails are gleaming in the gentle light of the bar.  I suddenly feel like I’m a character, playing a part, but I try to shake that and be as genuine as possible.  

“Yes, I do.  And that’s why I’m here.  I can’t face her right now.”  Her?  I feel my stomach drop referring to Elio as her, but I consider my safety, and that seems to be the best choice.  

“Did she make you unhappy?”

“No, I’m afraid that I make her unhappy.  My presence in her life is not enough for her.  She has this deep well needing to be filled with love and I have little to give.”

“I’m sure that can’t be true.  Aren’t you a devoted man?”

Devoted?  The word cuts me.  I vowed devotion to my wife, but I knew I could never keep that promise.  Not with Elio existing in the world.  Part of my heart will always be with him.  Cor cordium, I promised to him.  Not in person, but in private.  In a way that I knew my sentiment was sincere and lasting.  My pause let her know something was amiss and I take a long drag on my cigarette, contemplating how to respond.  

She reads my silence.  “Is the woman waiting for you your wife or your lover?”

“My lover,” I reply with a heavy sigh.  

“You came to Paris to be with your lover?  Is that it?”

“Yes, it has been two years since we last saw each other and I couldn’t stand the idea of staying away any longer.  I knew it was torturing her, and me in a different way.” 

“How romantic of you to meet your lover in Paris.  You know this is the city where love is born, stoking the fire and cast into beautiful creation.  I’m sure you know that.”

Her words grip me and my throat becomes tight.  I think I did know that and that’s what sealed my desire to meet Elio here.  Imaging our love growing and solidifying in Paris propelled me forward in making the choice.  Holding back my tears I turn back to Véronique.  Her eyes have softened and radiate empathy.  How unexpected.  Telling a woman about my lover, the affair I’m carrying on, and having her show no anger or disapproval.  I would expect a lecture about valuing my wife or a little chiding, at the very least.  

She puts a hand on my shoulder and strengthens her gaze.  “Listen to this old woman for a moment.  Really listen.  I have lived a life full of regret and I have something to teach you, so you don’t end up like me.  An old person sitting in a bar day in day out, hoping that life will somehow become meaningful.  Hoping that my love will return and walk through that door with open arms.  It’s a sad existence.  Sometimes your wife isn’t the person you love.  That’s no matter.  Marriage is complex and hard work.  But true love, that is rarely found.  You must not waste it.  There’s no promise you will find it again.  How lucky you are to have found this beautiful person.  Some never do.  If you really care about her, then give her everything you have.  Don’t take her for granted.  Work hard for her happiness and she will give everything to you.  Do you understand?”  She’s gripping my shoulder, imploring me to internalize this message.  

I understand.  I’ve thought about living my life regretting every day after leaving on that train.  Leaving my darling Elio behind.  If I could change it, I would.  I’m in too deep with my wife.  Not wanting to ruin the trip, I didn’t tell Elio we are expecting.  I don’t want him to worry about what that means for us.  Reality will be suspended as long as I can let it.  But I do owe it to Elio to make him happy.  The hours I’ve spent trying to figure that out, coming up with so little, because I know he deserves so much.  But hearing this woman speak, I realize that letting Elio know how much I cherish him and that he can always come to me when he needs it, will help him be happy.  Keeping our love alive from a distance will help us both.  

“Yes, I understand.  I’ve been given a gift and I must not forget how rare that kind of love is.”  

“Love is all that matters in this life.”

“Yes, I agree.”  

“So, what will you do for your love?”

“I’ll never leave her behind or hold her back.  She deserves the world.  She deserves whatever makes her happy.”

Véronique is satisfied with this.  She picks up here drink and toasts, “par amour.”

We go on discussing our plans for the rest of our trip and she approves of the choices.  She agrees Elio has picked a good itinerary.  After she finishes her drink she takes her leave.  I pat my jacket pocket and remember I picked up several postcards at the musée.  Pulling one out I start writing to Elio.

My dearest O,

You are my everything.  My favorite person.  The fiercest lover.  A genuine friend.  Summer in Italy, Fall in Paris, these times will always be in my heart, close to the surface.  The memories will bring warmth to the coldest moments.  Your spirit will light my way.  

Eternally yours,  
E

PS.  See you at midnight.  You’ve grown, though. 

The thought of sending this to him in a few week’s time makes me excited again.  I decide to fill out the rest of the postcards throughout the next few days.  Filling them with the thoughts I don’t share out loud, so he can have even more of me during the coming months.  Until we find our next adventure.  

With my spirit renewed I run back to the hotel, undress and slip into bed.  This time behind Elio.  Me settling down wakes him.  He looks confused.  

“It’s okay my love.  I’m here and we’ll have the stars over and over again.”

He mumbles okay and drifts off again.  I let myself relax and sleep, knowing my love for him will grow forever.  


End file.
